Archive for the 'Healing' Category

Save My Own Self

Sunday, August 8th, 2010

Write me in bold,
in brilliant color.
Worth saying,
worth living.
No need to be erased.

I will step out of the way
of helpless bitterness
from those I cannot fix.
I wish you the best.
Wish you happiness.
Wish you would figure it out.
Wish you would turn your back
on misery.

All I can do
is yet to be seen,
and is in my hands.
I cannot carry your anger
anymore.

Will take my own advice.
Glad I wrote it all down
to read one day
in time to save myself.

-kara

Survivors

Thursday, July 24th, 2008

many times fallen,
always risen.
i am a phoenix,
and always have been.

trust
that i have been prepared for this.
trust
that this is just one more descent.
trust
that i will rebuild from even the fewest remnants.

trust.

-kara

Fathers

Monday, June 16th, 2008

On Father’s Day, someone I care about wrote “I wish my son was in contact with me. I miss and love him so much. I just wish he would forgive me. This is always a bad day for me!

To his son, I write:

We all die, and when those we are unsettled with die, it will be excruciatingly final, and for everything we wished we had done, resolved, come to terms with, forgiven… it is undeniably too late, and with us we will carry all the undone, and it will weld it’s weight upon us, becoming our burden, wearing sores into our souls, for the rest of our lives.

I’m LOVIN’ it!

Wednesday, May 7th, 2008

Woo Hoo! Just last Wednesday I started Lithium Carbonate as an experimental possible treatment to slow the ALS monster, and so far, I am LOVIN’ my lithium! In the past few months I had noticed so much more arm and shoulder weakness. It really became apparent while driving, even though I drive very little and for very short distances. Steering has been a great challenge for a while, but more recently it has become such an impossible workout, that I often had Lew drive or I just stayed home. This was really making me sad. Driving is a freedom I love. When I’m driving my car with music playing, life is good and I am free. On Thursday I committed to taking Aiden to the Children’s Museum after being absent for months (it was a disappointing winter with Aiden and I sick a lot, and I had a couple falls, the last bad one messed up my collar bone and shoulder so I couldn’t drive at all). So to the museum we went. On the drive home I said to Rosa “I don’t know what’s going on, but it feels like I have power steering again!” Rosa said “Kara, every night I pray for you and Aiden.” Rosa is very positive. I call her “Dr. Rosa” because she really does know what’s good for me, and together, we are putting ALS out with the trash! Anyway, driving was an absolute pleasure on Thursday. And I’ve felt awesome every day since. Could lithium be helping so quickly? I think so, because I’ve combined it with some very potent determination… and Dr. Rosa!

Again, Woo Hoo!

For those of you who don’t know about the lithium study, here’s a good place to start:
http://alslithium.atspace.com/

She Willed It

Saturday, April 26th, 2008

I believe I stewed my brain in my own despair.

I wished myself dead. I wished it a lot.
I brewed this poison for years and years.
My brain drank it up.

I did this, and I can undo it.

So many mistakes and rotten choices.
Look what I’ve done to myself.

Everything’s different now.

I want to LIVE!

I forgive myself my slow suicide.
It’s not too late. I can save myself,
and never want for drama again.

-kara

Splash

Thursday, June 21st, 2007

Splash!
I dove out the window,
leaving the stale heat
of a room not worth remembering

Splash
into crisp, cool, clean
tomorrow
I am free
and wrapped in peace

Laugh
Let her arms lap and sway me,
gently as the moon
reminds me
there is truth that only we know

There is truth

-kara

Brand New

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

It starts now.
It is my way.
Here.
Right here
And you can’t deny it.
Anymore.

Saved.
The perfect source.
At the surface now.
Cleansed.
And free.
Swimming in.
This bliss of life.

Phoenix laughs
as she soars again.
“I see a beautiful girl”
she says.
And she holds me up.
She never left.
She never died.
She is source.
She is power.
Beyond anything.
The mortals know.

Phoenix laughs
as I soar again.
“You see a beautiful girl?”
she says.
And she lets me go.
I fly, and fly, and fly!
I close my eyes.
And dream of bliss.
I see her face.
A beautiful girl.
And reach to touch her.

-kara

Bare Root

Monday, November 13th, 2006

2004
the year the quakes began,
my son was born.
“Not too late”, I thought
for life to begin.
Goodbye to all the rough starts
that never wrote an end.
Finally on a good track,
a real and solid track.
Promises delivered, now resting in my hands,
steady as she goes now…
This is everything.

2005
the year the earth split wide
and left me on this island,
my son and I,
the only survivors of my future.
Reaching for stability on a floor of earth
that heaved and crashed,
we gripped my life
by the root.
We claimed it
and the tiny place it occupied.
We hugged it
and did nothing else
until the great displacement stopped.
Our world was blown apart,
but we rose to find ourselves intact.
We’ve been chased back to the root of life
where we’re building back our world.
We’re differently awake now.
We’ve seen the axe swing by
in a random act of ungodliness,
and know it’s out there.
That threat is roaring in the darkness,
but nothing’s fiercer than the guard we keep.

Pre-2004
is empty now,
seven times deleted.
The focus corrected,
I have viewed for once in clarity,
and what lies back there
is not worth saving.
Now the earth has stilled,
The ground is solid
and supporting us.
Promises delivered, surviving in our hands,
steady as we go now…
We are everything.

-kara

Magic Rain

Tuesday, October 17th, 2006

Tap tap
tappity tap tap
I’m almost under sea in here.
The grey, the cold, the wet
pressed up to every window, outside every wall.
And I in here with a warm lamp
and silence,
perfect silence blanketing me,
safe and distant from the shivering world.

Tap tap
tappity tap tap
Type my fingers as I summon.
The depths, the core, the soul
rally in my corner within my silent walls.
And I in here with fears all lost
and freedom,
perfect freedom salvaging me,
here and boldly visible against the darkening world.

Tap tap
tappity tap tap
Seas are breathing large around me.
Life and hell and death
pressed up to every window, outside every wall.
And I in here with peace and clarity
and magic,
perfect magic lighting me,
showing me exactly, despite the reigning world.

-kara

The Healing Sun

Sunday, October 8th, 2006

The chaise lounge is parked in the center of the backyard today,
aimed perfectly at the sun.
Reclined with my floppy black hat shading my eyes,
I continue my journey through Margaret Atwood’s Cats Eye.
I love Margaret Atwood
and this is my treat today.
The sun has that penetrating quality
that my body surrenders to and draws completely in.
The rays thread divinely through my flesh,
parting molecules, cleansing cells
until the mass of body is unmassed.
Cells disperse from clumps and dance freely now,
energized and re-enabled
with the healing sun reaching through me,
into Earth.

-kara