Kara Lynn .NET Blog

Yes we can!

Congratulations President-Elect Barack Obama!

I look forward to a new era!

Splash!
I dove out the window,
leaving the stale heat
of a room not worth remembering

Splash
into crisp, cool, clean
tomorrow
I am free
and wrapped in peace

Laugh
Let her arms lap and sway me,
gently as the moon
reminds me
there is truth that only we know

There is truth

-kara

Aiden fell in love with Sarah McLachlan some months ago when our Big Man played the “I Will Remember You” video for him on his iMac. Aiden was mesmerized. I cry when we watch it together, so I try to remain in the background of the room and let Aiden and Daddy dreamily watch the beautiful Sarah without my tearful accompaniment. I am so uncontrollably sentimental. That video has become a favorite for Aiden, and one that always takes his own tears away.

Santa heard about Aiden’s love of Sarah, and so he brought him a DVD collection of her videos. Aiden and I both love it! Santa also brought a new Christmas CD of Sarah’s called “Wintersong”. I’m so glad Aiden has turned me on to Sarah McLachlan. I never had anything of hers before and had only heard some of the very much played radio hits. She truly is awesome! Aiden has great taste!

Sarah sings Joni Mitchell’s “River” on the “Wintersong” CD, and with a voice deep from the heart she delicately paints this song so beautifully and no less soulfully than she does any of her own writings. This afternoon we chose this CD to dance to… it was that kind of afternoon… slow, peaceful, gentle. During “River” Sarah sings “I wish I had a river that I could skate away on.” While I listened, and we danced, I realized I have my River… my beautiful Aiden River, and it is on his love that I will skate with ease into our future, and it is from him that my feet will learn to fly.

You can watch the video for “River” on Yahoo!

-kara

Darkness may loom,
but never upon me will it land.
I do not fear these coming shadows,
for I have not armed them with trust, belief, or faith.

Darkness is just a period of time.
There is no place within it’s mystery.
I must keep moving onward,
and let no menace employ me.

Daylight, and my life unscarred,
await me beyond the storms that threaten.
No hand exists that is so powerful
as my unshakeable belief.

Darkness seeks like downward waters.
It’s reaching hands may brush beside me,
but I shall divert it’s path away,
and keep the focus of my life
steady in the light.

-kara

It starts now.
It is my way.
Here.
Right here
And you can’t deny it.
Anymore.

Saved.
The perfect source.
At the surface now.
Cleansed.
And free.
Swimming in.
This bliss of life.

Phoenix laughs
as she soars again.
“I see a beautiful girl”
she says.
And she holds me up.
She never left.
She never died.
She is source.
She is power.
Beyond anything.
The mortals know.

Phoenix laughs
as I soar again.
“You see a beautiful girl?”
she says.
And she lets me go.
I fly, and fly, and fly!
I close my eyes.
And dream of bliss.
I see her face.
A beautiful girl.
And reach to touch her.

-kara

2004
the year the quakes began,
my son was born.
“Not too late”, I thought
for life to begin.
Goodbye to all the rough starts
that never wrote an end.
Finally on a good track,
a real and solid track.
Promises delivered, now resting in my hands,
steady as she goes now…
This is everything.

2005
the year the earth split wide
and left me on this island,
my son and I,
the only survivors of my future.
Reaching for stability on a floor of earth
that heaved and crashed,
we gripped my life
by the root.
We claimed it
and the tiny place it occupied.
We hugged it
and did nothing else
until the great displacement stopped.
Our world was blown apart,
but we rose to find ourselves intact.
We’ve been chased back to the root of life
where we’re building back our world.
We’re differently awake now.
We’ve seen the axe swing by
in a random act of ungodliness,
and know it’s out there.
That threat is roaring in the darkness,
but nothing’s fiercer than the guard we keep.

Pre-2004
is empty now,
seven times deleted.
The focus corrected,
I have viewed for once in clarity,
and what lies back there
is not worth saving.
Now the earth has stilled,
The ground is solid
and supporting us.
Promises delivered, surviving in our hands,
steady as we go now…
We are everything.

-kara

Tap tap
tappity tap tap
I’m almost under sea in here.
The grey, the cold, the wet
pressed up to every window, outside every wall.
And I in here with a warm lamp
and silence,
perfect silence blanketing me,
safe and distant from the shivering world.

Tap tap
tappity tap tap
Type my fingers as I summon.
The depths, the core, the soul
rally in my corner within my silent walls.
And I in here with fears all lost
and freedom,
perfect freedom salvaging me,
here and boldly visible against the darkening world.

Tap tap
tappity tap tap
Seas are breathing large around me.
Life and hell and death
pressed up to every window, outside every wall.
And I in here with peace and clarity
and magic,
perfect magic lighting me,
showing me exactly, despite the reigning world.

-kara

The chaise lounge is parked in the center of the backyard today,
aimed perfectly at the sun.
Reclined with my floppy black hat shading my eyes,
I continue my journey through Margaret Atwood’s Cats Eye.
I love Margaret Atwood
and this is my treat today.
The sun has that penetrating quality
that my body surrenders to and draws completely in.
The rays thread divinely through my flesh,
parting molecules, cleansing cells
until the mass of body is unmassed.
Cells disperse from clumps and dance freely now,
energized and re-enabled
with the healing sun reaching through me,
into Earth.

-kara

No, no… I don’t mean letting go of life. I mean letting go of the sludge and waste I’ve gathered while dredging through this life. Letting go of those unkind, who have turned their own burdens into weaponry; of those who have tightly guarded their own insecurity and turned it into life-devouring jealousy; of those who nurture resentment born of spite; of useless hate… theirs and mine… for I had hated them for their hate. But hate no longer reaches me and I no longer feel the tug to spar with it. What surrounds me now is only light. Whatever anger rises to flirt with me, I’ll not oblige. Goodbye traps, manipulations, and entanglements. I let you go.

-kara

When I recover from ALS
I’m going to be careful
Not to fall into the old patterns,
Not to mistake my opposite
for my truth,
Not to forget what saved me…
Ever!
Not to forget!

When I recover from ALS
By then I will be free
I will know
and at the same time
not know
And I will be okay.

When I recover from ALS
I will be new
And ancient.
Knowledge will live in me,
but will rest peacefully,
And I shall discover life,
but my source will never fade again.

When I recover from ALS
I may not know how,
but I will have no doubt why.
Not from medicine,
Not from some other being
with claims to move and balance energy.
Not from the external world,
will my saving come.
The ability lies within.
Only I and my creator can know my energy
and how it should be balanced.
Only I and my creator know the truth
of how this dis-ease came to be in me.
And only my creator can lead me safely,
And only I can listen,
And only I can follow.

When I recover from ALS
I will not untune myself again.
I will love the beauty of my own world,
and seek not in the current of the racing world.
I will breathe long and deeply
and not hold in anything.
I will know my place, my meaning,
and finally my peace,
When I recover from ALS.

-kara