Kara Lynn .NET Blog

I did not rescue
my peaceful heart
I did not keep life
safe and breathing
through all the
storms and wars
reckless aim of
thoughtless hate
I did not survive
the unsurvivable
I did not rise
and fly again
I did not!
I did not!
I did not
walk this far
to be kicked around by you!

You have nothing
to call your own
Your hands
feed only you
You lie low
wait for your share
You have nothing
to give
You have nothing
to show
You stand in the way
And I did not!
I did not!
I did not
walk this far
to be held back and down by you!

You have led a safe little life
a white little life
History belongs to others
those who step out into
the big world
and make their way
You scoff and mock
the brave, the daring, the believers
Even as we disappear miles beyond
your ability to see
Good riddance to you!
I did not!
I did not!
I did not
walk this far
to be destroyed and lost by you!

-kara

Born in the Spring
Hallelujah to the Sun
Hello world of Life!
You breathe in me to Sing
Wind and sun and purple storm
Every sky can lift me off
Dance me like in Heaven

—————————–

A burden from the start
Another mouth to feed
Anchors down
Feet on land, head at sea,
The sailor waits it out
His little captives serve on deck
While his big resentment sleeps away
Sinking deep
A life gone bad
A mind gone overboard
And the captives feel at fault

Stealing freedom
From the blame
Finding silence
From the lies
I have many times escaped
The unreality
of the fucked up shit
around me flying
And in my hiding
I have kept some happy safe

Many years
Rose above
But toxins stowed
Embedded in my cells
Hell oh world of Death
Slither in me strangling
Gravity, balance, Ability
Your goal relentless
Strip me naked
Wear me down
To bones and begging

Shove your face
Of shit and ugly
Up against my glass
I will bathe in sunlight
Overflowing from my cache
Of truth and peace and happy
And you one day
Will fall away

-kara

Just like my father.
The random-fire man I hid from all those years
is my bully king again.

His thunder precedes the lightning,
my nerves electric, frying out.

Any peace I had is shattered now.
My collection of shards
wrapped tight inside my skin
hold me rigid.
Hug my edges as he rises
Hold on tight
He’s loose again
He’s kicking air
He’s punching doors
His bones are leaden
And he throws his weight around
Breaking everything
and every quiet breath
and every deserved feeling of peace,
he knocks violently from my soul.

My life was only circles
I never figured out
my way out
and here I am again.

-kara

Who said you could have this?
Who said it was available?
Who said you could
lay your hands on this?
and mess it all up?
Who gave all that power to you?

When I stumbled
did you feel tall?
When I withered
did you feel strong?
When I was chained
did you feel free?
Did you, all those times,
only feel yourself?

I know now who the weak one is.
You saw my strength
and you tried to take it.
But it’s mine.
I earned it
and I will take it back.

-kara

I am preparing for a garage sale. I want all this stuff, this useless stuff away from me now. No more digital SLR and all those heavy Nikon lenses. No more art supplies. No more glass. No more big computer. No more big computer monitor. No more dulcimer. But could my dearly loved bike be spared? I put my Headmaster neck brace on, and with confidence, took my Tequesta out of the garage. I would just give it a try around the driveway.

My only concern was the weakness of my neck. Boy was I short of worry. Trying to mount the bike, I lost balance and fell to the ground, the bike falling on top of me. Fortunately, this took place behind my van so neighbors should not have seen. Shaky, I pulled myself together, and with all my strength and concentration, I got my leg over the bike. It’s a man’s style bike.

As if I had never been on a two-wheeler before, I wobbled, feeling like a very off balance sack of potatoes as I coasted down the driveway. I knew I had to stop or I would have fallen over onto my side. Oh no! I hadn’t considered the brakes! How the hell would I squeeze those levers?! Shit! Well, I wasn’t going very fast, so I was able to put my feet on the ground and stop. But there I stood, out in the middle of the driveway straddling my bike, afraid to lift either foot off the ground. My balance was gone.

Lew and Aiden were in the back yard. I called to Lew. No answer. I called louder a few times. Finally he responded “What?!” I called back “I need help!” “Oh” he said. I waited, my legs feeling weak. He didn’t come. I called him again. “What?!” he said. I called back “I’m stuck on my bike. I can’t get off. I need help.” I waited again, and still he did not come. “Lewwwwwwww!!!” I was nearly crying now. Neighbors next door and across the street were outside and clearly could hear me, but said nothing, did nothing. There I was, slapped in the face with creeping disability, public humiliation, and the cold awareness that no one cared to help. A good ride on my Tequesta with the wind in my hair would have left that shit behind. But no more.

Goodbye bicycle.

- kara

I have been pacing in this cage,
going mad for escape.
But the key is here
I hold it in my teeth

I walked into this cage.
I laid down
and let it close around me
until powerless.

I paced and paced.
Nothing I said, did, showed you
made any difference…
but you, I cannot blame.
I walked into this cage.

I tried to paint it pretty.
No one wants to see the truth.
For every failing,
I searched to redeem your worth.
I scraped at every surface,
but found no soul,
no signs of life.

You are hollow…
the cold and empty
cage that I walked into.
You are non-responsive
and you will rust around me.

You are nothing now,
but repressive hate.
You hold your silence
over my face.
And you will hold it there
as long as it takes.
You will hold your breath
until I suffocate.

Yes, I walked in,
and now I’m walking out.

-kara